ESPFeeling like I’ve been in this weird funk latelyand when I woke up this morningnot much had changedI’ve just been existinghoping something would make me feelokaySo I got dressed and prayed for an abundanceof strength to endure yet another dayAnd everyday moving forwardI would feel a tad bit better somehow and be fineA little bit more today than I didyesterdayIs that really you standing in front of me?How could you have knownI was actually needing to see you now?Did my hopes and prayersconjure you to myreality?But the preeminent part of our meeting today wasHow you saw me and recognized me firstand you kind of snickered when you declared“Yeah, I was sort of hopingI would see youtoday…”
How Does It Feel?So how does it feelto look at me from afarmillion miles awayAny memoriesof how much you wanted meof how things once wasWe had come so farfor you to just screw things upus ending so bad.We can never goback before we burned the bridgetoo much pain remains.So how do I feelto look at you from afarmillion miles awayJust sad...
blurThis weekend went by in a blurAnd here I am againStuck here as if I never leftNot sure how or whyBut I have been at this awful place beforeLabeled animosity for some time nowYou have taken me to this place beforeAnd I’m not sure what I can doTo avoid being trapped here much longerSo I did what I thought I could never doAnd that’s give up all hopesThat we could ever be anythingAnd to curse you so you would thinkYou’re nothing to meNow I just have to live with my decisionAnd act as if I’m alrightWhen secretly every timeI hear you laugh I’m dying insideSo kill me as you have doneSo many times beforeFor it won’t be too longBefore any fond memoriesAre left and then I’ll beGone…
ChangeIn lifeyou're given choices and chancesand what you decidedetermines your fate.The biggest mistake I made wasfinally giving you a chance,not oncebut several times.I kept thinking your actionswere due to hurt and retributionbut somehow maybe deep down insideyou did truly care.Each and every timeyou continued to disappoint me.So now, here I ama messAnd all I want today isfor you to change,even though I have discernedthat that's impossibleand all I can hope fornowis for me, myselfto change...
I Like BeginningsI like beginningsWhen anything seems possibleWhen we have yet to discoverEach other's vulnerabilities and weaknessesWhat buttons to push causing the other painAnd to use it far too oftenI like beginningsWhen there's no bad history or tears shedIll recollection that creeps up on usWhen faced with our own insecuritiesAnd worthless self doubtsOf the pastI like beginningsWhen love is a possibilityAnd just the thought of youLeading to something newComforts my broken heartHelping the soreness to mendI like endingsAn end of a horrid chapterWith hardly any good memoriesTo remember or reflectMaking that previous beginning comeTo an end
AgainAnother night alone,I'm thinking aboutyou again.What did I ever doto get myself here,thinking aboutyou again?I knew from the beginningwe would end up here,hurt and mad at each other.So I tried my bestto stay clearof you butI could tell thatI was hurting youand that somehowhurt me too.So nowI find myself here alone,thinking ofyou again
DadYou might not have been the best father in the world and even though we had our differences,you loved meunconditionally.I might have not been the best daughter in the world and even though we had our differences, I loved youunconditionally...
What?What do write aboutwhen you're tired ofwords?Words said,words heard,words that nevermaterialized intoanythingreal
What do write aboutwhen you're tired offeelings?Feeling hurt,feeling depressed,just feelingbad
What do write aboutwhen you're tired ofjust being?Being deceived,being lied to,just beingme
loss for wordswhat do you to sayto someonewhenit seems like everythingyou saymakes them mad?so I triedto walkawayeven thoughit hurts so much insideto.I wanted to showyouthat i carebut maybeyou don't want meto carebecause maybeyou really don't careabout meanymore.you practicallypushedme out the doorwith your wordsand howyou won't even lookat mewhenI'm tryingto talk to you.so I left,feeling worsethan whenI started.
a momentragged flannel shirtstill warm from the clothes dryerold bones are smiling
A series of unfortunatly related haikusBis, something is wrong.No, it is all in my head.Silent plea, "please speak."As the case may be,not good enough to be loved...not like a sweetheartI prefer to burn,rather than question, myselfrational or not.Considerationis granted to those worthy,my old quandary.One minute too late,and three hours for comfort.Good night my dear sire.
Tides TurningComb your March hair,Think of the bright Spring.Spirit Queen!
What To Do NextWhat next, I wonder.Endless possibilitiesYet which should I pick?
Historical PhotographsClay FingersHands and clay are onejust as they were when the godsbuilt me from the earth.Eyes set on my work,shaping a life for myself,smooth as corn kernels.CottonThat eye freezes you."Chile', I see you," without wordsthe great goddess says.Rough cotton dress robesnoble woman of the fields.Pipe puffs in silence."What do you know, chile'?"Ain't seen her Momma in years.I don't know nothin'.Rembrandt's CrucifixionSkin so wet and newit must be rebirth. But firstI will have to die.Faces of mourningsurround me in the rain - softhand on my shoulder.
Haiku - I'm still importantI may not be yourFavored color in the box.But, I'm still needed!
MiraclesJust believe in meand ultimately in Himfor love's miracles...